1. YOU SHARE THE SAME BED
Some people are squimish over baths, thinking of them as lying in a pool of your own dirt #mudbath anyone? Personally, love them, and I’m not that dirty anyway, right?
WELL, for those with bath hate, look away now. The bed is like lying in a pool of your own dirt for however long you DON’T change the bedsheets for. Anything on your skin ends up between the soft creases of the duvet. That’s sebum, hair, dribble? and dead skin, basically anything on your body, gets on your sheets.
Introduce a man!…
*Using sweeping generalisms* man are more carefree creatures when it comes to personal hygiene. Of course there’s the occasional metrosexual, but on the whole men do not see it as necessary to wash their face every night before bed. Speaking from experience! Joining up the dots, their face juice ends up in your bed sheets and BOOM. Spots. Solution, create a pillow barricade, of course!
2. YOU GROW TOGETHER
It’s like period synchronisation but with a man. Nature’s way of making living with others easier is to synchronise our hormones and therefore our moods. It’s like being able to read your closest friends minds, finishing their sentences and walking in sync. We mirror those closest to us! Hormonal changes means there’s going to be an effect. It’s like puberty all over again.
3. WE DON’T WANT KIDS YET
The male contraceptive pill is still in the works. It exists. It’s just not passed all its exams yet! It then follows that when in a long term relationship it is usually us girls who take ‘no babies please’ responsibility. More hormones means your body adjusts and sometimes you get SPOTS!
4. WHEN 2 BECOME 1
As the years go on, your boyfriend becomes your best bud. He is the person you spend the most time with in life and you grow together. Close as 2 peas in a pod! #Soppy. Thing is, you can’t control that other pea. That pea can leave the toilet seat up, use a tennis ball size dollop of your new, very expensive ‘promise the world’ serum and steal your bed territory in the middle of the night! There aint nothing you can do about it. It’s the cherry on top when your already stressed. Of course it’s that cherry that brought you out in those stress spots. Duh! We forgive them! Only after they’ve brought some chocolate mind!
5. THERE HABITS BECOME OURS (and visa versa)
There’s so much more temptation when you spend most evenings with a man. They buy you chocolate, they cook insanely yummy food (because they put a ton of butter in it!) and they are ‘allowed’ to eat more than us, and I’m just a little competitive you know?
We have been researched! Women gain an average of 7 pounds in the first year of a relationship. Those men, they are feeders! More nights in with sweets and chocolate, you might acquire his addiction to Kentucky fried chicken or discover new culinary delights like the peanut & jam sandwich. Kicked off the health wagon, instead of fruit and nuts it’s the chocolate version we scoff. Unbalanced diet, switches up your body’s chemical engine and BAM – spots!
6. THE BATHROOM HAS TO BE SHARED
You leave the sink for 2 seconds with toothbrush in mouth, and suddenly a man replaced you. Where did you come from? #ninja. Who said men weren’t vain, they steal that mirror space like they might just be in love with themselves and not you. Our carefully thought through facial routines get infiltrated by the mirror ninja! Join up some more dots and it seems like they need to take responsibility for their actions and fork out for some new facial creams!
Now… what else can we get away with laying blame to them for?